…on all things wise and wonderful.
‘Food nerds,’ nice term, right? It is a term my brain creatively coined after consuming too many ‘Big Bang Theory’ episodes. Anyway, to begin with, let me tell you what made me write about this very insightful and informative topic.
I chose it because the dilemma of the ‘wannabe foodie’ offends and bothers me to no extent. These are the ‘foodies’ who don’t really love food, but are merely in love with the idea of being a foodie. So, they think it’s cool to take a million pics of the one pizza they’ve ordered and tweet about it, pin it, Facebook it, Instagram it, basically, bombard everyone they know on every social networking platform with pics and messages that support their claim of being a foodie. They are also the people who cannot tell the difference between a strip of bacon and a pork chop. (How, for the love of God, can you not??)
Image courtesy: whatwereeating.com
Image courtesy: popsgrassfedbeef
So, to bring justice to the food-lover’s world and to expose the fakes, I have decided to publicize the traits of the original foodie. The next time you meet someone who pompously claims to be a foodie, check for these traits. If they are absent, ask the person to stuff their mouth shut.
A true foodie-
Dreams food, talks food, wears food
Literally. A true foodie does not think it disgusting or awkward to talk about food all the time. You start a conversation with them anywhere, at any time and you’ll find them turning the conversation towards food, irrespective of the topic you began talking about. It sounds like this,
“Did you attend the concert last night?”
“Yeah. It was great. Then we went to that restaurant opposite the road. The food was so amazing! Do you know the dishes you get there? Well, they have the juiciest steaks I’ve ever had, and their cheese garlic bread is just delightful, and…”
The true foodie also dreams about food. I once had a friend who dreamt about her favourite dishes. (In her dreams, the proportion of every dish was highly altered; they tended to be magnified to a very unhealthy extent.) She once had a dream in which she ended up on a planet full of aliens and no food. She called it a nightmare, not because of the spindly, vomit-colored aliens but because of the unavailability of food.
The true foodie wears their love for food on their sleeve, or T-shirt. They take pride in wearing T-shirts that say, ‘I’m here for the food. Thank you.” Or “You had me at Bacon” or a T-shirt that unabashedly proclaims food to be their BFF or their one and only love.
Image courtesy: wheretogetit.com
Has food on the mind, all the time
The true foodie is constantly thinking about food. They wake up and think about what they’re going to have for breakfast. At breakfast, they’re already planning what they’re going to have for lunch. When movie plans are made, true foodies immediately create a mental picture of nearby restaurants and eateries and inform the group where the best burgers are available, or where to go in case someone needs a quick snack before the movie. (The someone mostly happens to be them themselves.)
Similarly, the true foodie is the only party-planner who arranges the menu before the venue. He is also the one who’ll rather discuss in detail the ingredients and flavours of a dish rather than talk about who’s doing what and why. Because, for the true foodie, only food matters.
Everything else is a complete waste of time.
Image courtesy: futterfucht.com
Is convinced that food has magical powers
For the true foodie, food is the solution to every problem. It’s almost as if they believe that a leg of chicken has magical powers that make sadness, anger and even a headache disappear. You tell a foodie you’re having a bad day, or your boyfriend dumped you, or you think you’re fat, he’ll tell you to dig in to some yummy food to blow the blues away.
Similarly, if you ask a foodie why he loves food, his answers will surprise you. They range from, “Because it’s the single most amazing thing on earth” to “Because when I eat, I forget everything.” (They really forget everything, including their table manners and the people accompanying them.)
I once heard a foodie say, “A single bite of this burger can take you to the moon and back.” I guess the burger was his solution to teleporting. Wonder what Nightcrawler has to say to this.
“You betrayed my secret?”
Image courtesy: geektyrant.com
Functions like a walking, talking food encyclopaedia
The true foodie knows every joint in his vicinity. From the popular stalls frequented by many to the most obscure ones that lie hidden in tiny, winding lanes, the foodie is aware of every place that offers praise-worthy food. He does not shy away from experimenting with cuisines and will devour every dish with an open mind, and mouth. He is curious about ingredients and recipes and can tell you how to make a dish like a world-class chef. He eats with as much happiness in a fancy restaurant as he does in an unassuming, humble food stall. For the true foodie, quality is the only standard that matters.
This is precisely why you can bank on a foodie to point you towards the best eateries around and tell you what to order where. They are very generous and honest in their advice and will also tell you how much to order of what. If you meet a foodie who loves to travel, he’ll be able to list out every great restaurant he has ever come across in every place he’s ever visited. Yes, when it comes to food, a foodie can have an elephant’s memory.
Image courtesy: dreamstime.com
Is never embarrassed by the amount he/she eats
Think Adam Richman of Man Vs Food fame. He can be the poster boy of the true foodie club. Have you ever seen him apologize for consuming obscene amounts of food? No, never, because the true foodie sees nothing wrong in ordering everything on the menu. After all, if a dish is delicious, how can you not eat it?
However, here it is important to differentiate between being hungry and being greedy. The true foodie is never greedy. He takes his time to eat, appreciating every garnishing ingredient and the flavour it imparts to the dish. The true foodie never gobbles down food, he chews, he enjoys, he swallows.
How to spot a foodie at a party:
The guy/girl invests more time in trying every starter and dish in the buffet that dancing, singing and checking out the opposite sex. You’ll also see their hands stretch out every time a plate of starters passes them.
Image courtesy: theguardian.com
Well, I hope this very elaborate, well-researched article helps you ‘Spot the Not!’
Do you have any of the above mentioned traits? Or all of them? Congratulations! You’re a foodie. Here’s a site you’ll absolutely love. (Check it out even if you’re not a foodie because you’ll love it anyway!)